What I Believe About the Supernatural

The thing with the supernatural in the church is that it is part of the bigger problem: the one-size-fits-all mentality was people cease to think for themselves and just get swept away with whatever is dictated to them. I'll admit I've been there; I got carried away with the supernatural when I attended Kensington Temple in London, well known for signs and wonders, during the late nineties and early noughties. It was during this time that I went to see Benny Hinn at the Royal Albert Hall. I witnessed healing, being slain in the spirit and all of those things. I honestly believe that it is this period of my spiritual journey that attracted me to church and to Christ. I'm sure I would have given up otherwise.

Now, I look back on all of that and laugh - it seems ridiculous to me. I feel led to think of those things in line with the experience of Elijah when he ran from Jezebel.

11 Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

1 Kings 19:11-13 nkjv

It seems that Christians become distracted by anything seemingly supernatural to the point whereby they just get all excited, carried away by the experience, but they don't think. We need to ask ourselves how these experiences pertain to us, otherwise, we take these occurrences as a rubber-stamp of approval that what the showman in a suit on the stage is telling us is actually true.

We need to step back, calm down a, take a deep breath and ask ourselves, "Okay, so someone just fell down on the floor and started shaking after an alter call - that's pretty weird. I'm sure that's God, because it doesn't normally happen. Nevertheless, how does this pertain to me, in my particular journey with the Lord? Does it even apply? I need to know because I could end up getting carried away with this and getting distracted." We blame the snake oil salesman on stage for duping us - but, as they say, it takes two to tango: he might have manipulated a situation - but I was the sucker who was naive and desperate enough to believe what he was saying.

I have experienced the supernatural in my own life on several occasions. The most incredible moment of my life was when I was spectacularly baptised in the Spirit in October 1998 - it really did change my life. Then there was the time when I found two ten pound notes, in two different locations, on the same day, within about an hour. Come on! I don't care what anybody says - one ten pound note, okay, but two? That just doesn't normally happen! Ever since I was baptised in the Holy Spirit, I prayed in tongues fervently; that lasted for a couple of years and gradually fizzled out. I used to hear God's voice speak to me audibly, but that too has come to a standstill.

I still believe firmly in the supernatural, but I believe that like everything else in the institutional church - it can become a distraction from the main event - everyday life! “Everyday life” is a dirty-word to neurotic Christians who are enamoured with everything supernatural.  I'd describe myself as a recovering neurotic. Anxiety, I believe, is established and maintained by running away from reality, instead of embracing and working with the life that surrounds you - the people, places and things. Christians read the Old Testament about how God moved in some spectacular fashion, and we want it! We want God to "use a sledgehammer to crack a walnut" on our behalf! We want to feel special and loved of God; we want to stand out from the crowd for all the best reasons.

I'll admit that I have gradually veered towards what is known as cessationism: I believe that spiritual gifts and supernatural occurrences will cease and have already ceased, to an extent. I believe in the supernatural to an extent and I don’t go out of my way to stubbornly refute it, like sceptics such as James Randi. I just take issue with the abuse, manipulation and misplaced expectation that often surrounds the supernatural.

I don't believe in a total cessation of the supernatural, just a fading away as the most important thing takes centre stage - I'm talking about love. When you have love you are able to embrace the miracles that you see in everyday life; the little things around you that you take for granted - birds singing in the trees, the sun shining millions of miles above you in a clear blue sky; the stars that shine at night - light years away; the miracle of child birth and the complexities of the human body; the wonderful, rich feeling of loving someone for no other reason than they exist. This is where God is! This is where the miracle is to be found!

Miracles are, by definition, rare. When we move away from everyday life, we veer towards fantasy, unrealistic expectations and a world of stress! It is so much better to love "what is" and enjoy whatever life brings to you in the moment. When we put all sorts of expectations on God, the end result is always disappointment. I believe the supernatural is designed to bring us nearer to God and closer to love - in one way or another.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:8-13 nkjv

A Sense of Security and Acceptance – Part 3

Approval of Others

I have noticed that the approval of others also seems to go hand in hand with a person’s sense of security. It would seem that we look to other people to give us confirmation that we are okay the way that we are. The want for approval is finally being taken on by Bible teachers. Joyce Meyer’s popular book Approval Addiction reached number 9 in the New York Times Bestseller list. Grace Preacher Bertie Brits also teaches on the want for approval in his series entitled What God Says About You.

In his book, Mastering Your Emotions, Pastor Colin Dye states that the basic human wants are those of security, significance and self-worth. This makes a lot of sense to me because the want for approval seems to be the fuel for people’s sense of significance and self-worth.

What Causes Sin?

Sin is the soul’s self-preservation mechanism which is only brought into play when the mind determines that its overall security is threatened. Sin comes down to the innate needs in the nature of man. I think that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs does a wonderful job of summarising the various levels of human need and how we pursue the next category of needs when our most demanding needs are met.

Sin manifests itself in terms of typical wrong modes of behaviour. In Galatians 5:19-21 the apostle Paul lists some of the typical wrong modes of behaviour which he calls “works of the flesh”; Paul said the “works of the flesh” are evident. According to Thayer’s Greek Definitions the word evident or manifest here means plainly recognised or known.

When the identification and control of wrong behaviour is emphasised as a means of inducing good patterns of behaviour, it results in resistance and rebellion, because we don’t like to be told what to do. Paul said in Romans 7:9 that when the commandment came (Ten Commandments) he died (spiritually became devoid of power and self-control). The Message Bible in Romans 7:8 says that the flesh nature makes a piece of "forbidden fruit" out of the law. It is little wonder that Paul calls the Old Testament the ministry of condemnation in 2 Cor. 3:9. Paul also calls the Old Testament the ministry of death in 2 Cor. 3:7.

The Old Testament did not give the promise of life; it simply demanded righteousness from spiritual bankrupt men. The law threatened curses and destruction if its strict demands were not met. When a gun is pointed to a person’s head and they are forced to behave a certain way, they are likely to attempt to do so – but they are likely to be overcome with fear in anything that is demanded of them in that way. If people are forced to respond in fear – the sinful nature will be manifested.

Security and Insecurity

I made a note of a chart that was displayed during a sermon at Hillsong London, which compared attributes of security with that of insecurity. I feel that this comparison perfectly sums-up the contrast between the dispositions of security with that of insecurity. I’ve posted-up this chart before and make no apologies for doing so again; because I really do think it is utterly brilliant is summing-up the contrast between a disposition of security and that of insecurity.

Security	Insecurity
At rest & at peace	Driven & anxious
Accepting of self, confident of one's value to God	Striving to get acclaim, to prove one's value
Content with one's lot in life	Constantly comparing, envying, coveting
Able to bless, affirm and serve others	Jealous, controlling, manipulative & demanding of others

In Summary

• Will God bless us when we have unbelief? Not very much.
• Will God bless us when we have a disposition of sin? Again, not very much because if we are living out of the old nature, we are in unbelief and vice-versa.
• Will God bless us when we transgress? A resounding “Yes!”

Liberty Savard and The Keys to the Kingdom

Liberty Savard and the Keys to the Kingdom

During my time at Kensington Temple, I saw a book in the church’s bookstore that caught my attention: Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard. I was struggling with the flesh nature quite a lot during this time, so I just bought it on impulse. It must have been 1992, the year I left Kensington Temple, because that was the year the book was published.

I started reading this book around about the same time that I began studying my own unredeemed nature. Liberty Savard’s books cover this area really well. Up until this point, I had been studying Word of Faith, as taught by Kenneth E. Hagin.

I quickly became a staunch advocate of Liberty’s teaching. I thought her writing style was superb and her understanding of the scriptures was excellent. Something that struck me as rather amazing was the way that Liberty would use the word “the soul”, instead of saying “you” or “I”; like the unredeemed soul was a distinct, separate entity. I liked this because it made the distinction between the spirit, which is the real “you” – and your unredeemed nature. It comes back to that saying that we are a spirit, with a soul, that lives in a body.

Another thing I learned from Liberty Savard that has changed my thinking dramatically is the revelation that the operation of the unredeemed nature, the full spectrum of sin you could say, is: wrong beliefs, desires, motives, behaviours and patterns of thinking. Liberty would also cite the dysfunction of man’s nature as coming from unmet needs, unhealed hurts and unresolved issues.

Liberty debunked the traditional beliefs surrounding spiritual warfare tactics, arguing that although the devil and his cohorts are very real, and the biggest threat to maintaining a godly, Christian lifestyle lies with our own unredeemed nature.

This was along the same lines as what Kenneth E. Hagin taught, in that when a believer gives his life to Jesus, his spirit is saved and born-again (re-created). However, the soul (mind, will and emotions) still need to be brought into submission to God. There are several verses of scripture that seem to support this belief.

Liberty focused on the need to deal with the unredeemed nature through prayers based on a new revelation of Matthew 16:19, as a means of being able to fully surrender the soul to God, so that we can allow the Holy Spirit to move freely in our lives.

The commonly held understanding of Matthew 16:19 are that believers are to bind the work of the devil and loose the Holy Spirit on the earth. However, Liberty discovered that there were no instances of this mentioned in the Bible. Jesus would not bind evil spirits – He would rebuke them instead. Neither were there any instances of Jesus or the disciples, loosing the Holy Spirit or ministering spirits in the Bible.

Another Look at Strongholds in the Bible

2 Corinthians 10:4 tells us that we are to use spiritual weapons in order to pull down strongholds. 2 Corinthians 10:5 then continues by saying that we should cast down arguments, every “high thing” and finally, bring every thought into captivity to Christ. From this text we can conclude that Paul was referring to our beliefs when it comes to pulling down strongholds.
More modern translations, such as The Message, help to bring out the meaning of this text. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 MSG

The word translated stronghold in verse 4 is the Greek word ochurōma, which according to Thayer’s Greek Definitions, means:
1) a castle, stronghold, fortress, fastness
2) anything on which one relies
2a) of the arguments and reasonings by which a disputant endeavours to fortify his opinion and defend it against his opponent

Therefore, when Paul said to pull down strongholds, he was talking about destroying the arguments and reasonings, the human logic, which people rely on. This logical reasoning creates belief systems that are so strong, they are likened to a stronghold or castle.

A Wrong Focus on Behaviour

The church has been programmed for years to believe that it is obvious, sinful behaviours that rob believers of their blessings: fornication, adultery, excessive drinking, smoking and so on. But in actual fact, it is the seemingly innocent, yet wrong, mindsets and patterns of thinking that we cling onto, which affect our behaviour and keep the grace of God locked-out of our lives. We therefore end-up trying to control the symptoms instead of the cause of the symptoms. In her book, Breaking the Power, Liberty Savard likened this to dealing with the runny nose of a patient who is suffering from double pneumonia. It is these mindsets, or strongholds, that loosing and binding prayers seek to dispense with.

A New Biblical Understanding of Binding

Liberty Savard discovered that the Greek word deo, translated bind in the New Testament, means a whole lot more than binding evil spirits. According to Strong’s Hebrew and Greek Dictionary, this Greek word means:
A primary verb; to bind (in various applications, literally or figuratively): - bind, be in bonds, knit, tie, wind. See also G1163, G1189.

This Greek word is also related to the word deomai, which according to Strong’s Hebrew and Greek Dictionary means:
Middle voice of G1210; to beg (as binding oneself), that is, petition: - beseech, pray (to), make request. Compare G4441.

The word “bind” suggests obligating yourself to someone. This is useful when bringing your soul into submission to God.

A New Biblical Understanding of Loosing

Liberty Savard revealed that the Greek word luo, translated loose in the New Testament, actually means to destroy, as well as meaning to un-tie and set free. According to Strong’s Hebrew and Greek Dictionary, this Greek word means:
A primary verb; to “loosen” (literally or figuratively): - break (up), destroy, dissolve, (un-) loose, melt, put off. Compare G4486.

As Liberty points out – these are the kind of words that can be applied by a prayer warrior. But instead of going to battle with a foe that has already been defeated, Liberty suggested that prayers of loosing should be applied to the destroying of wrong beliefs, desires, motives and patterns of thinking – tearing down the strongholds that keep people bound. An example of this type of prayer would be, “I loose, crush, smash and destroy all negative patterns of thinking from me in Jesus Name.”

My Initial Experiences with Loosing and Binding

I read in one of Kenneth E. Hagin’s books that he would rebuke fear as if it was an evil spirit. I therefore applied my new-found knowledge of loosing and binding prayers to my emotions. I found to my delight that I could loose fear, anger, lust and the like. When I did this, I would experience a sense of lightness and relief from the negative emotions. However, these prayers failed to bring me complete freedom, as their effects in my life only seemed to be temporary.

The Lord revealed a lot to me along these lines which enabled me to attribute this type of prayer to the application of remission of sin. Again, the subject of remission of sin, let alone its practical application through faith, seems to have been neglected in the church.

I had struggled with my flesh nature, just as many other Christians do. Before I cam across the work of Liberty Savard, I tried to apply my faith teaching to the concept of sin. I reasoned that if Jesus had already bore our sicknesses on the cross, as a means of attaining the healing that was already ours in Him - then why couldn't I apply the same principal to freedom from sin? To facilitate this concept, I printed-out the whole of Romans 6 in The Living Bible and recited it to myself each day. I gave-up after a short while because it didn't seem to make any difference.

It took me some time to get started with loosing and binding and to see some results from my efforts. I suppose that the main reason for this was that I needed to understand more about the concept. I also had to learn more about what it was that I really needed to loose and bind.

When I read Liberty’s books, I felt that the typically quick prayers that she would pray just seemed to be like a mantra, something to recite parrot-fashion. I suppose that I just needed to learn more about this subject and to establish my own style of prayer that worked for me.

Liberty would often write that she would loose deception, bind her mind to the mind of Christ and bind herself to the will of God. This method, she would state, would work for her every time. She, and others, would pray this way in a variety of everyday situations in order to bring a state of clarity and peace to the situation.

In using these keys, you signal your intention to the Holy Spirit so that He can neutralize your sinful beliefs, attitudes, desires and motives - bringing peace, clarity, wisdom and love right there and then.

Teething Problems with Loosing and Binding Prayers

I felt that the power of these keys was dependent on faith, which is basically what you know, understand and believe – according to what is true. So I just considered the possibility that I did not have enough spiritual knowledge at that time.

I also found that my initial approach to loosing and binding was also hampered by my insistence on identifying the wrong causes of my problems, how they came about and the specific effects they had on my life.

I had become tangled-up in little details such as semantics and whether I should pray the prayers over and over again in one sitting, whether I should pray the same prayer everyday or just once a week and so on.

I used to get rather confused about what, exactly, I should loose and bind. Liberty Savard just seemed to know precisely what to loose and bind in the prayers she included in her books. She included “training-wheel” prayers that were tuned specifically for a particular purpose, such as overeating and dealing with “soul-ties”.

When I read the “training wheel” prayers in Liberty Savard’s books, I struggled to work out how she knew what to loose and what to bind. It all seemed rather fanciful and creative to me and I wondered how I could come to that place whereby I knew exactly what to loose and bind, in accordance with my own life’s requirements, rather than having to be “spoon-fed” from a book.
I could appreciate that some Christians just go through the motions of reciting pre-written prayers with hardly any understanding of what they mean and what they are meant to achieve; then they wonder why they do not bring about positive changes.

Another problem that arises is that Christians often pray selfish, soulish prayers out of hurting and needy souls. Because of this, many Christians have prayed amiss, resulting in unanswered prayer. This has left Christians seeking after the “secret” that will unlock the power of God in their life: reading the Bible more, memorising scripture, doing good works, behaviour modification, confessing scripture all day long and so on. But just a simple acknowledgement before the Lord regarding something that is truly important to Him, can bring about fast, even instantaneous, results.

Being able to receive from God is not just about confessing scripture promises and declaring that they are true and applicable to your own life. Being able to receive from God also requires that you surrender your will to the will of God as well as letting go of your own preconceived wrong beliefs, attitudes, motives, agendas and desires.

Otherwise, you are likely to ask for the wrong things or perhaps the right things but with the wrong motive and timing. It is these things that form the original sin that leads to disobedience and wrong behavioural patterns. This is why the loosing and binding prayers seem to be so important and why they seem to work so well.

I realised that God did not necessarily require for me to repeat verses of scripture verbatim. I felt that all that God wanted, a lot of the time, was for me to make a simple acknowledgement before Him. I think we have become conditioned to believe that in order to make God do anything on your behalf; you have to pray long-winded, arduous prayers for weeks on end – which is simply not the case. When it comes to prayer: it is all about quality - not quantity.

I found that my initial enthusiasm with loosing and binding began to wane, as I did not see the permanent results that I was seeking after.

Contrasting Faith Teaching with the Kingdom Keys

If I could of, I would have just stuck with the teaching of Kenneth E. Hagin and tried to implement his teaching directly into my life. However, it was not quite that simple, as I had a very well-established flesh nature which, through years of negative thinking, had created highly fortified strongholds in my consciousness.

During this time, most of the Christian books that I had on my bookshelves were written by these three authors, whom I trust a great deal: E.W. Kenyon, Kenneth E. Hagin and Liberty Savard.

I felt during this time that my work seemed to focus upon integrating the teaching of these three great Bible teachers, into my life. You may notice when you compare the works of Hagin and Kenyon, that there is some similarity in that they are Word of Faith teachers.

At first, it may seem that there is some disparity between the teaching of Hagin and Kenyon, with that of Liberty Savard. It seemed to be difficult to see where loosing and binding fitted in with the message of faith. It also seemed that Liberty Savard did not allude towards the message of faith as written in the books of Kenyon and Hagin.

I think what bothered me the most was that the loosing and binding prayers seemed to be an
ongoing process, something that one would do for the rest of your life. Liberty Savard would write that she had been praying these prayers for several years. Whereas, prayers of faith were declarations that you would make, just once, in order to obtain the answer.

The way I saw it was that the teaching of Liberty Savard provided the means whereby the believer who is struggling to implement the message of faith in his life, due to negative thinking and a troublesome and stubborn flesh nature, can use the Keys of the Kingdom to make the message of faith work for them. I believe that the message of loosing and binding is also mirrored, in a sense, in the teaching of Kenneth E. Hagin in the form of repentance and consecration.

Liberty Savard Online

I read on Liberty Savard’s Q&A website that some people had prayed these “training wheel” prayers and had experienced no results. I just felt that the reason for this was because people were praying these prayers with wrong understanding, attitudes and motives – reducing the prayers to a formula. Perhaps they were just praying these prayers to they could be blessed by God, how they want and when they want – something that will not work.

Liberty Savard operates a Q&A section of her ministry website http://www.libertysavard.com/. I can personally vouch for the fact that although she has a busy schedule, she takes the time and effort to answer questions that people might have. I sent her a message on the website and she got back to me quite quickly.

Liberty also distributes a monthly newsletter via her website. She also organises training for people to teach the Kingdom Keys principles.

I am, however, rather dismayed to find that there appear to be no user forums available on the internet; there seem to be no social networking websites that have established a community of people who pray these prayers. I struggle to understand why this is the case, because apparently, over a quarter of a million copies of Shattering Your Strongholds have been sold. Liberty’s books quote the testimonies of people around the world who have experienced significant results through praying these prayers.

Returning To the Kingdom Keys

It wasn’t until about three or four years after reading Liberty’s first book, that I read her second book, Breaking the Power, that my enthusiasm for the kingdom keys was renewed. After just a third of the way through that amazing book, I felt that I gained a profound new understanding of the workings of my unredeemed nature. I was then able to see more clearly that my attitudes and motives had been wrong.

I had refined my understanding of the divine nature and the unredeemed nature. My attitudes and motives had also gained a thorough overhaul. I put this refinement of my way of thinking, down to the understanding I had gained through the teaching of others and through my own studies. During that time, I had hardly prayed at all, not because I didn’t want to, but because I felt that I simply could not do it.

I still wonder to this day if my refined understanding could have been facilitated by simple loosing and binding prayers. But I knew from reading Liberty Savard’s books, that it is not just about giving people a brief introduction to loosing and binding, followed by a series of example prayers. If that was the case, then the three books which formed the Keys to the Kingdom Trilogy - could have been reduced to a single pamphlet!

I knew that the content of Liberty’s books was geared towards correct praying and to correct understanding as well. It is important to expose yourself to good Biblical teaching that will challenge the way you think and to get your attitudes and motives straightened-out.
Up to that point, I had not really tried the loosing and binding prayers, with a great deal of seriousness. But now I felt motivated to pray these prayers again in earnest.

I was once again astonished that my efforts produced immediate results. I did not pray the “training wheel” prayers out of the book, but I quickly got going again with the kingdom key principles of loosing and binding, especially loosing, to dispense with negative emotions and wrong patterns of thinking in order to bring about immediate relief.

My Testimony...A Brief Story of My Life In Christ

How It All Began…

I moved from the north of England to the south in April 1995 to start on an exciting new career path. During that time, I was interested in self-help and personal development, having just read the classic book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy. A friend of mine had introduced me to a charismatic church in the north, not far from where I lived. I had an open-mind about Christianity, but I was not altogether serious about it; I was much more interested in using affirmations to re-program my subconscious mind.

It was quite a lonely time for me at first when I made that move in 1995. But just before I left the north, the pastor of that church gave me the details of a church of the same denomination in the area that I was to live. I attended that place; it was rather large, having once been an old nightclub. Although I had made a first-time commitment to Jesus, I was still only semi-serious about my faith; I was still only partially convinced that Christianity had the power to really change my life.

My Journey into the New Age

My interest in self-help methods naturally progressed towards New Age practices. I would often go to a rather large and popular New Age shop in Covent Garden. It was there that I became rather addicted to fortune-telling; I just wanted to know that I had a bright future and that everything was going to be alright. I started trying to use Tarot Cards for myself and that led to a rather frightening encounter, upon which I will elaborate no further. Suffice to say, my journey with New Age ended right there and then! It was at that point that I became a lot more serious about Christianity.

Getting Serious About Jesus at Kensington Temple

I would spend quite a lot of time on my own exploring London. On one occasion in 1997, I happened to hear some preaching in Trafalgar Square, so I hung around there for a little while out of curiosity. I was approached by a young African man who introduced himself and told me that he was with the church that was preaching. He introduced me to attend this church, which was the rather famous Pentecostal church, Kensington Temple. I met my new friend at what was called the Tabernacle: a warehouse in North Acton which was rented by Kensington Temple and was converted into a 1300-plus seating auditorium. The music, atmosphere and preaching was amazing. So I quickly switched churches. What caught my attention more than anything about this place were the signs and wonders. Colin Dye, the senior pastor, would walk around the auditorium after the service and minister under the power of the Holy Spirit, many people would be healed. I absolutely loved Colin’s dynamic and often humorous style of preaching – a real one-off. He is an amazing communicator.

The Baptism in the Holy Spirit

One evening at the end of the service, I accepted an altar call and went to the front to be prayed for. I had my eyes closed at the time and a man came to pray for me. I’ll never forget what this man said to me: he said that I was going to be set free from my burdens, sadness and pain. He said that this was something that God would do for me. They were not the exact words but the gist of it.

The friendship with my new friend grew and we would attend prayer groups together. My friend possessed the gift of praying in tongues, which fascinated me. I had bought my own flat in Middlesex around this time and my friend would occasionally come to visit and we would pray together. Well, he would pray earnestly in tongues and I would wonder around muttering something vaguely spiritually sounding. Anyway, one evening in October 1998, my friend prayed over me and I remember hitting the floor. My muscles contracted and I suddenly felt as if I was being crushed in a vice! I writhed around on the floor muttering some unintelligible words. I had been baptised in the Holy Spirit! I remembered that this was about a week after I had had that prophetic message spoken over my life in church: that the Lord was going to set me free.

Ever since that moment, my life was changed. I was able to hear the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to my spirit. My prayers were often more like conversations with God, rather than a one-way communication with Him. I started to pray in tongues, often for three hours at a time. I would fast at weekends, praying in tongues every hour or so. Nothing began to change in my life dramatically as a result of this type of prayer – but I decided to persevere and see what would eventually happen.

For about two months after this incident, I felt absolutely wonderful. I had suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life. But suddenly, I was set free and I experienced such a profound sense of peace and joy. The wonderful thing was: I did not have to do anything for it; and the circumstances of my life had not changed – only I had changed, on the inside. It did not take very long for the dark clouds of my depression to come rolling back. Soon, I was reunited with the same anxious thoughts that had blighted my life before. However, I noticed that it was not quite as strong as it was before.

Shortly after my life-changing encounter with the Holy Spirit, my African friend disappeared from my life. His work in my life had been accomplished and the brief time in which our paths cross, had now passed.

My Interest in the Word of Faith Movement

I became very interested in reading Christian books. There was one popular author who caught my attention in particular: Kenneth E. Hagin. Hagin had a powerful testimony of how he was miraculously raised from an incurable heart disease at the age of seventeen. Hagin’s books veered away from the usual dos and don’ts and focused more on the practical application of faith in order to manifest the power of God in your life.

I became fascinated with Hagin’s teaching. It would follow a predicable pattern: a Biblical text, followed by a seemingly accurate and well-written explanation, and then a powerful, practical testimony of how that Word was applied in the life of Hagin or someone who knew.

I was not interested in routines and duties. I just wanted the power of God in my life. Christianity often seemed to be portrayed as people being “nice” and doing good things for people. Personally, I hated all of that. Some Christians would make a big fuss about doing community projects and how it impacted lives. But I just felt that these efforts were perfunctory and ineffective. People were not interested in acts of charity and people who were soft and soppy – people were interested in having a life that was transformed by faith in Christ.

I became enamoured at this time with name-it-and-claim-it style faith. This message of practical, powerful faith went hand-in-hand with the prosperity message. Why, of course God wanted His children to prosper in life – I thought to myself. This was a belief that was also shared by many other weak, frustrated, confused and struggling Christians who shared the same ideas about Christianity that I did. I suppose I was eager to influence other people, to make myself known to the world. I had been rather quiet and un-influential in the past and I was eager for people to sit-up and notice me for once. I became rather competitive and wanted to take on the world and prove that there was more to Christianity than just routines, duties, and charity-work and dull Sunday services. But my desire to prove the case for Christ was really a veiled disguise for my own suppressed desire to prove myself, that I was "a somebody" and that people should acknowledge me. I hated the notion that Christians were meant to take some sort of forfeit in life that they were not meant to enjoy prosperity and success – as if all of that was reserved for a select few unbelievers. I wanted to compete with the world on there own terms – and win. I saw Hagin’s style of faith teaching as being the fast-track to accomplishing that goal.

The Orange Folder

Despite reading a great deal on the subject of faith – I did not seem to be able to really get going with it. I would begin repeating Bible verses enthusiastically, but then I found that my enthusiasm would begin to wane. Then, weeks or months later, I would tell myself that I had to “do something” and would re-new my efforts with Biblical confession. The same cycle would then repeat itself.

I began to write-out my confessions on a single page of typed A4 sized paper. These confessions would be packed with Bible verses that I cut-and-pasted from Bible software. I really prided myself on these confessions because they sounded really powerful and eloquent. I would confess that God would give me favour in the sight of other people, that I would make a lot of money, I would get promoted two grades at work and that I would have a wonderful Christian wife who believed in faith like I did.

I eventually printed-out about fifty or so of these confessions, which I kept in an orange folder. But after an enthusiastic start – I could not bring myself to make those confessions anymore. It was at that point that I had become burnt-out as far as faith was concerned. But I blamed myself, of course, because I felt I was too lazy to confess the Word. I remember reading in one of Hagin’s books that he knew of people who had all of his books, but they did not experience any breakthrough in their lives because they failed to act upon his teaching and to confess the Word. I did not begin to question my motives at this point. I just believed that God was right there with me, earnestly striving to fulfil my every wish. After all, God did want me to prosper so that I could influence the word for Christ – didn’t He?

A Desperate Move

I began to get really depressed at this point – my faith just wasn’t working. Could it be that I was not giving enough money to the church? Should I serve more in the church? Perhaps it was my sin that prevented God from blessing me? I ended-up paying a double-tithe because I was desperate to see the blessing of God flowing in my life.

It was in 2002 just as property prices began to sour in the U.K. Desperate to see a change in my life, I seized upon this opportunity to change my life. Although I did not have a clear leading from God, I was convinced that He wanted me to just “do something”. So, I sold my flat at a substantial profit and awaited God’s instructions. I was delighted to finally move to the same town as my workplace. I used to hate waiting for the bus, which was once-an-hour and quite often late.

Did He want me to go back up north? Did He want me to leave the country? Did He want me to go into full-time ministry? I don’t know, but I got myself ready for God to lead me in the path of my destiny. Nothing happened!

The Doctrine of John Avanzini

It was then that I decided to read a book that I had bought from the first church I attended when I moved to London. It was Un-answered Prayer – Answered, by John Avanzini. Avanzini conveyed the argument that in order to see answers to prayer and the blessings of God in your life – you had to give an offering to the church. Avanzini explained that the tithe was something that you owed God, and that the promise of God to pour out such a blessing as per Malachi 3:10, would only come into effect if you gave an offering to the church in addition to the tithe.

I waited for God’s next move. I just assumed that with all this liquid cash that was suddenly made available to me, God would be keen to move in my life with directions on how to invest this money. But no direction came. I assumed that I had to make a substantial offering to the church, as Avanzini had prescribed, in order to cause God to act on my behalf. So I gave quite a large offering to Kensington Temple. Despite this offering, I then got hit with two share scams. I became rather demoralised at this point. Nevertheless, I did my best to remain optimistic and waited upon the Lord.

A Touch of Legalism

I stopped attending Kensington Temple as it was too far for me to travel. I decided to check-out a small, charismatic fellowship that was less than a mile down the road from my new flat. It was not quite up to Kensington Temple standards, but the worship was quite good, the people friendly and the preaching seemed enthusiastic and motivating. So I made this my new church.

I think I was convinced that I was meant to go into full-time ministry at that time. So I made efforts to get as close to the pastor as I could. I joined the house group that was run by the pastor, which I attended every week. I then became an usher and began attending the weekly prayer meetings. I even tried to go to the early morning prayer meetings, which started at 7am, but I was rarely able to get out of bed in time.

Despite the enthusiastic start with this church, I began to question my motives and the preaching. There was a strong emphasis on servant hood, which I agreed with at first, but began to question. I really could not see the point of some of the perfunctory routines and duties. The community projects just seemed to be a waste of time. I just felt as if the pastor was putting on a religious show – and I was part of the act!

I came to see that the preaching was rather legalistic. At first, it seemed rather inspiring; being told to make greater efforts to minimise sin in your life and to serve God with all your heart – seemed to make a lot of sense to me. But I came to see that I could not fulfil the demands that were placed upon me. There was nothing in this teaching that told me who I was in Christ, how to practically apply faith and how redemption could change my life. I was still heavily into reading Kenneth E. Hagin at this time and I could see that there was a disparity between Hagin’s message of faith and this pastor’s preaching.

I became increasingly frustrated with this church and decided that it would be a better use of my time to stay at home and study. It was a difficult time for me because I was rather confused and frustrated; coupled with this was the fact that I had committed myself to serve in the church and to attend various weekly activities. I eventually stopped going to that church altogether and entered a church-less state. But I was certain that I was doing the best thing.

The Message of Grace

It was at this moment that the Lord began to open a door of revelation to me. The Lord began to pour His wisdom into me on the subject of His grace. I was not acquainted with grace teaching at that time and I had not even heard of Joseph Prince. For me, what kept on arising time and again was the fact that I truly could do nothing apart from God. The notion that it was all up to me to “just do something” became utterly refuted. The verse of scripture that made the greatest impact on me was 2 Peter 1:2-4.

2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord,
3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue,
4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
2 Peter 1:2-4 nkj

It did not make sense to me that the church was preaching a message that put the onus on the believer to “just do something”. Surely, the truth was clear in the Bible that the only way we can truly serve God is to become a partaker of the divine nature. I became frustrated at the lack of teaching on this subject: there seemed to be no teaching that actually told me how to access this new nature which the Bible says that Jesus had so freely wrought for us by His death and resurrection. I struggled quite badly with sin; no matter how hard I tried, I just could not shake myself free from bad habits. I came to see Hagin’s faith teaching as being rather legalistic in that he assumed that it was a simple matter for a believer to stop sinning. Yet, I could see that Hagin did go into this subject more than most Bible teachers. Hagin taught that we have been born-again; we have been made new creatures with a new spirit that is not inclined towards sin. Despite this, Hagin seemed rather vehement in his attitude towards those who sinned – as if we could just simply stop sinning with a simple effort of the will. I began to study the scriptures for myself with the aid of Bible software. I could see that God’s love was all that I needed. But the great mystery was how to get God’s love. Some people seemed to believe that you get God’s love by serving Him in the church and loving other people. But I could not seem to do this because I felt I needed the love of God first – it was a catch-22 situation.

It at this time that I began to study and write a lot. I would get excited at studying the Word and finding out what Christ had already done for me. I would write for hours and hours – I could not stop myself.

Hillsong London…Where I am Today

A few of my friends from my previous church told me about Hillsong London. I was familiar with the name Hillsong. I knew that Hillsong was the name of a large, contemporary church in Sydney, Australia that was well-known for its contemporary worship music, which was fast becoming very popular all over the world. But I did not know that they had a church in London.

So in 2006 we went to Hillsong London for the first time. This church was based in the Dominion Theatre in Tottenham Court Road in London, which is where it is still based today. What struck me at once about this place was the servant hood: there was a veritable army of hosts, greeting you as you made your way into the theatre. I think my friends and I agreed afterwards that the preaching was “okay” and the music was good, but too loud.

Another thing that struck me about this church was the atmosphere of the place. We made our way to the coffee lounge and were welcomed by people who engaged us in conversation and asked where we were from, etc. There seemed to be many young people milling about, chatting enthusiastically. I noticed that many of the people were from other countries, mainly Australia, New Zealand and South Africa. I was also struck at how good-looking many of the people were, which was a welcome change from the churches I had attended previously.

I began to attend this church every week. My friends decided not to join me and continued to attend their local church. This church was like a dream come true to me. I eventually got used to the loud music and learned that it was best to not sit so close to the front! This church was slick, professional and highly organised. The people were serving out of a genuine heart of love, I felt, rather than a sense of having to do something for God. There was a real sense of community in this place – you were made to feel welcome. The band and the A.V. presentations were truly impressive and professional.

The church had lots of activities going on and they welcomed people to find out more about joining a team. So I decided to join the New Christians team. This was the team responsible for looking out for people who raised their hands upon the altar call being given at the end of each service. I would spot who put up their hand and then introduced myself to them and take their details. Being part of this team entailed meeting with the rest of the team for a brief, just before the service was about to start. This was where I got to meet other people and really feel part of the church.

The Dream Is Shattered

I noticed that I was beginning to struggle in my new found role. These were the kind of Christians that I wanted to meet: people who were enthusiastic, exciting, charismatic, positive and care-free. However, I struggled to get along with them. I didn’t really feel part of the team. They were positive and I would often feel rather sad and frustrated. I think this showed because I became something like a ghost in those meetings and failed to gel with those people and to make friends. I think the weight of past frustrations and my ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety just seemed to subtly ward these people off. I believe, in retrospect, that my motives also had something to do with it: I wanted to impact the church with my Biblical wisdom; I wanted to make my name known and to vie for position in the church. I was pouring my unmet needs into my role in this church – something that God was going to put a stop to. After about six months of serving on team – I finally quit and become another solitary member of the church.

Joseph Prince Comes to Hillsong London

Joseph Prince came to Hillsong London in October 2006 for a week-long teaching series. We have always been privileged as a church to have great speakers visit from all over the world, including Joyce Meyer, and of course, Brian Houston and Christine Caine (it is Hillsong after all). But it was at the time that Joseph Prince came to our church that the teaching in our church became radically transformed. Many people said that Pastor Prince managed to condense years of teaching into that week.

The Teaching I Listen to Now

I began to listen to Pastor Prince’s teaching on my MP3 player. I began to veer away from legalistic preaching and kept with grace teaching. Later on, a friend introduced me to Andrew Wommack, another wonderful grace preacher. Around this time I also subscribed to Hillsong London’s podcasts and Joyce Meyer’s podcasts. Nowadays, I tend to stick with mainly Joseph Prince and Andrew Wommack.

I personally feel that Joyce Meyer’s teaching is the best when it comes to what could be called attitudinal-adjustment. But I find that Joyce will often come out with grace teaching that blows me away and gives me such peace. But then Joyce will come out with something rather legalistic that puts the onus on the believer; what I call the “just do it” message – which I hate.

I began to find correlations between Joseph Prince’s teaching and what the Lord had been showing me during those times I spent at that charismatic, but legalistic, church. Pastor Prince’s emphasis seemed to be on our knowing that we are the righteousness of God in Christ, and finding power and rest in that. My teaching tended to be around receiving God’s love and life as a free gift and being empowered and motivated from there.

My Writings and the Divine Nature Ministries

For me, it was all about the divine nature. I vowed that if ever I began my own ministry it would be called The Divine Nature ministries. I put all of my writing into a big Word document, with the intention of writing a book someday. I now have enough material to write a whole series of books. I am frustrated because I don’t really know what step to take next with my writing. What seems to add to the frustration and the desire to hold-off on approaching a publisher is that I seem to be encountering misnomers all the time; it seems to be an on-going thing. Christianity strikes me as being like a person who enters a maze: some people seem to make there way through quite quickly, whilst others reach dead-ends and go the long way around. I think I fall into the latter category. But I see it in the light of mapping-out territory – the traps and the pitfalls that many are sure to fall into. I look back on some of the things I once believed and shake my head in despair. But I now see this as being an essential part of the journey. When I look back on some of the things I have written, I can learn from those mistakes and re-write them as, “This is what I used to believe, this is why I believed it – and this is what is really true.”

I suppose I am waiting for “something” to happen now. It is difficult to try to work out what to do sometimes and it is tempting to just force something to happen sometimes. It is tempting to think that I am taking things to extremes by waiting on God and that I must make an effort to “do something”. But I have come to learn that, despite what some people preach in church, I can do nothing with God. I have noticed that there is one big thing missing from my writing: powerful testimonies.

I believed that I would write Christian books and gain my sense of identity, significance and prosperity through that. But in this era of the Internet, I can have a ministry without having a church and without getting books published. I can use social networking sites, blogging and podcasts. So here is my first attempt at getting started with my blog. Perhaps God has not destined me to be a King David. Perhaps I am more like a Jonathon – who forfeits his right to prominence so that another can take his rightful place?

I have calmed down a great deal from the time that I was into the Word of Faith teaching. I still find myself reacting out of Word of Faith programming, which often contradicts grace teaching. I am coming to see that the best thing I can do now is to simply accept myself, other people and the world – just as they are. This is something that the Word of Faith distracts people from: faith teaching tells us that God hates “average” and that we must confess the Word to make a breakthrough and achieve miracles, prosperity and the like. There is a world to win for Christ, and to do that, we must perform, achieve and do miracles in order to influence them.

What grace teaching has taught me is that I can have an impact just as I am, doing what I do. Hillsong London has taught me a great deal about this. My whole vision of what the church should be like became completely blurred. I sought after people, power and possessions to give myself a sense of security, significance and self-worth. I felt justified in these pursuits because there was a world to win for Christ and they wouldn’t listen to a bunch of Bible-bashing legalists whose idea of doing something radical was to tidy old-people’s gardens.

Many of the people in Hillsong London are charismatic, influential and appealing – without having to achieve incredible things, without having a position on the board of directors, without being rich, without having lots of possessions and without having amazing talents and abilities. No, these people just live out of who they are in Christ. They just accept themselves as they are without wanting to change things. As these people accept their righteousness in Christ, God gives them the favour that they need – without having to exercise great faith in order to manifest miracles. It is all about having the favour of God and receiving the divine nature…