I recently became a friend of Fred Pruitt on Facebook. I have been reading some of his articles, some of which cover the subject of depression. This subject is dear to my heart because I have suffered from depression for as long as I have known now. But having read through some of the articles on Fred’s website, the Single Eye, in the section on Miscellaneous Articles on Union - I have been finding confirmation of some concepts which I have been contemplating for a while now.
I am going to make it my objective now to continue to read through these excellent articles by Fred Pruitt and some other mutual grace-believing friends. I feel that this could be the catalyst to my growth in grace and ascension to another level of understanding.
The irony of all of this is that it has probably been my desire to figure things out, the reason why things happen the way they do, which has caused my depression in the first place.
Self-Control in the Church
My struggle with depression has set me on a life-long quest for answers and self-discovery. I found that I was disappointed with the teaching in church for quite a while as it just seemed to give people rules and platitudes that did not empower them in any way at all. Despite this, Christians seemed to merrily go their way, “applying” the teaching they received in church and keeping themselves busy with church routines and duties. During this transition time in my life – I felt like I was going crazy, because I did not know about what had come to be known as the Grace Message. I honestly thought that I was the only one who had doubts about the accepted church system
I feel what really annoyed me with the church was that there seemed to be some people who could keep a subset of rules or works to an extent whereby they praised themselves, and others praised them, for being spiritual, holy, dedicated and all those other labels that Christians love so much.
I have come to experience that to a great extent, things just tend to happen. We just like to think that we had something to do with it. I would say that this comes down to a establishing a sense of self-security and self-reliance. If a person loses that dependence on self – they are likely to be thrown into a state of panic.
Sure, Christians love to go to church on a Sunday and go through the typical routine of telling everyone how they sacrifice their lives to Jesus and that they’re going all out for God and so on. But the truth of the matter is: to a great extent, they have been subconsciously conditioned to depend on what they have and what they do. It comes back to the concept of the Sunday worshipper Christian who goes through the motions on a Sunday, but in every other way, lives their lives just like anyone else.
It is only when that safety-net of security has been taken away, that we can really enter into an intimate relationship with God, knowing that He is the source of our life and strength. Perhaps this concept of self-reliance is what Jesus meant when He referred to believers, in the Parable of the Sower, not having a “root” in them? See Matthew 13:21.
I would say that I have been living the Romans 7:15 scenario in my life for as long as I have known. Time and again, I would hold a sentiment in my mind, telling myself what I should, or must, do – only to find that I end-up doing something completely different! I can tell you – it is extremely frustrating when this happens. If this happens a consistently over time – is destroys a person’s sense of self-reliance and self-control – leading to a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness.
Despite this, even though Christians know they cannot keep the rules imposed on them by people in and out of the church – they still subject themselves to guilt, shame and rules they cannot keep. The idea is that one day they will eventually make it – if they just turn up to church and get shamed enough from the pulpit, or if they read the right book or pray the right prayer or whatever.
Church and the Want for Approval
The want for approval is a key factor in the behaviour of people. People can be subconsciously motivated to do things they don’t really want to do, but feel they ought to do – if they believe that doing those things will make them accepted by other people.
I see this concept playing itself out in the church over and over again. This is why the message of no-condemnation and justification by faith, not works, is so vital to personal freedom. If believers are always doing works to be accepted by God and others people – it contradicts the concept of righteousness by faith alone. It seems that the ability to do works and keep rules is something of a safety net which some believers still rely on in order to feel accepted by God. If a person knows they are accepted by God, then they at once feel assured that their life will go well for them and that they are reserved a place in Heaven when they die.
I suppose some pastors are reluctant to share the message of grace, because they feel their congregation would cease from their efforts to modify their behaviour, suppress their negative feelings and would probably quit most of the routines and duties which they perform in the church. But it is essential that people live their lives in freedom without the threat of condemnation from God and ex-communication from the church. Otherwise, what these people do in the name of “serving God” – will be nothing more than desperate attempts to be accepted.
Powerlessness Leads to Anxiety
I think it has been my sense of powerlessness to control my environment, which led to anxiety. Anxiety occurs when a person strives to figure things out – but fails to establish a solution or a reason why things have happened as they have. Depression, being a sense of heaviness and deadness, seems to be the inevitable result of anxiety.
I feel that my depression and anxiety have enabled me to come to the realisation that I simply cannot control my life. I have noticed that most happy individuals still hold on to the notion that they are actually in control of their lives. If people would just come to realise that they are not in control of their lives – it would refute, once and for all, the ridiculous idea that people only need to know what is right, wrong, good or bad – in order to live right and achieve great things in life.
As soon as a Christian begins to pride himself on his ability to keep rules – it is the start of a slippery slope into the abyss known as human pride. The Pharisees were the religious elite of Jesus’ day. The Pharisees were just like some of the Christians we see in the church today: they kept the rules (well, they appeared to), they observed the traditions and the rituals – they appeared to be what we would think Jesus wants Christians to be like. Despite these facts – Jesus was always at odds with the Pharisees – He called them a “brood of vipers” in Matthew 12:34. Jesus told the Pharisees that they were full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. We tend to forget that these were the people who seemed to be keeping all the rules – just like some Christians today.
25 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also. 27 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. 28 Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
Matthew 23:25-28 NKJV
Control through Word of Faith
When a depressed and frustrated individual comes accept Christ as Lord of their life, they are eager to learn of ways in which they can control their lives in relation to their behaviour, circumstances and perhaps even – other people. It is for this reason why Word of Faith and prosperity teaching is so enticing: Christians love the idea that they can name-it-and-claim-it in relation to something they believe they must have or do in order to be happy and to be accepted by God and other people.
Christians eagerly look for verses of scripture that they can “stand on” in order to hold God to some sort of promise. What we tend to do is to bring all of our insecurities and fantasies to God in a vain attempt to get Him to agree with us and to rubber-stamp our deluded wishes.
Not all of our desires are fantasies and many of us have dreams that are in fact a part of the vision of a great life that God has for us. Nevertheless, we must acknowledge that not everything that we feel we must have which comes to mind – is from God, and is therefore, a legitimate goal.
Tithes and offerings are another area where we tend to try to control God. Word of Faith holds to the concept of sowing and reaping: meaning that the more money you give to the church – the more God will return to you. This belief has been exploited by church pastors, some of whom have created mega-churches and become rich as a result of confused and desperate Christian giving away money they cannot afford, with the belief that God will bless them as a result.
The truth of the matter is that the curse of the law has been done away with – Christ having become a curse for us (Galatians 3:13). There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So the concept that God will curse Christian if they do not tithe – is not scripturally accurate in relation to the New Testament. Tithing, just like the curse of the law, is an Old Testament concept which has now been done away with. Well, to be exact: Jesus did not come to destroy the Old Testament Law – but to fulfil it (Matthew 5:17).
We must consider the fact that when we attempt to get back into keeping rules and doing works in order to gain God’s favour – we are in essence bringing ourselves back under the Old Covenant; it is as if we have switched covenants when we mistakenly believe that we must keep rules. No-one can be justified by the law. Therefore, when a Christian believes they have to do works and keep rules to be accepted by God – they risk bringing the curse of the law upon themselves.
Conditioning and Control
What I think has really helped me to understand something about myself in relation to human behaviour, circumstances and beliefs – is the concept of conditioning. I wrote about this in my recent blog entries, under the titles:
- Covetousness and Conditioning
- Conditioning and Superstition
- Derren Brown on Conditioning and Superstition
Conditioning is the Psychological study into the way in which behaviour is established in humans and animals. These modes of behaviour are established through the creation of sets of beliefs, in relation to their experience and interpretation of, and perhaps interaction with, the environment around them.
As I wrote in my previous blog entries on the subject of conditioning: what determines our behaviour and belief system to a large extent – is our perception of what happens around us and how we correlate that to our behaviour.
But a lot of what happens in our lives is actually random. Alright, I would actually say that God knows exactly what happens to us and what will happen in the future. I suppose that God knows exactly how we will react to a given set of circumstances and how that will effect us physically, mentally and emotionally. God knows whether a set of circumstances will weaken or strengthen certain beliefs that we hold onto. God knows what circumstances are required in order to make us become the person He wants, or allows, us to become.
God knows if the things that happen in our lives will contribute towards us become secure or insecure people. See my previous blog post entitled Security versus Insecurity for a comparison between the attributes of a secure person and insecure person.
When something happens in our lives that we think is “bad” or “wrong” – if we are insecure, we can become anxious about it as we try to determine why that thing happened, what it means and how we can overcome it and percent it happening again. But this response to other circumstances of our environment simply gets us into wanting to be in control of our lives. God is in control of our lives.
We can begin to doubt God’s love for us, our right-standing with Him or even our salvation – according to what happens to us or doesn’t happen to us; or what we do or don’t do in relation to a particular situation. This, I believe, is what leads to depression and anxiety. The likelihood is that the things that make people anxious in life – have very little to do with their rule-keeping, works, sin and behaviour.
Something good might happen in our life and we then convince ourselves and other people how that good thing occurred as a result of our prayer, hard-work, morality, intelligence, kindness, good personality, church offerings and so on.
Something bad might happen in our life and we tell the story about how it happened because we sinned, did not give enough money to the church, aren’t good enough, did not work hard enough, did not pray enough and so on.
The truth of the matter is that these things actually have very little bearing on what happens to us in life. But I suppose we still attach to these beliefs because it gives us a sense of control over our lives.
The Power of Prayer
“What?”, I hear you cry, “Don’t you believe in the power of prayer?” I do believe in the power of prayer. Actually, this may be a shocker for some – but the power is not in our prayer, neither is it in our faith – the power is to be found in the precious blood of Jesus Christ which is what gives us access to the presence of God. Prayer is what takes our focus away from ourselves and our weaknesses, and onto God and His grace:
5 "And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat? 6 "Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. 7 "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. 8 Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need.
Matthew 6:5-8 msg
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 1:3 that God has already blessed us with every spiritual blessing! Therefore, it is absurd to believe that God rewards our efforts in some way.
16 For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and we were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift.
John 1:16 AMP
Conclusion
We are to reach a place, I believe, in which we become non-reactionary; totally accepting ourselves, life and other people – just as they are; we are to avoid seeking to figure out why things happen the way they do and what we can do to change them. We are to accept that we are powerless to control our lives and to stop sinning in our own effort. Rather than becoming frustrated with other people and the circumstances of our lives – we are to accept life as it is. Acceptance is, I believe, the key to happiness in life and the key to an intimate relationship with God.
Faith is actually trust in God through the message of the Gospel of Christ. No matter what happens or does not happen in our lives – we should hold fast to the belief that we are right with God regardless of our behaviour; knowing that Christ is our righteousness; knowing that God is not mad with us; knowing that God loves us the way we are. This assurance of righteousness is what paves the way for our total acceptance of ourselves and other people.
Articles on Depression
Here are a couple of relevant articles regarding depression, a sense of powerlessness and the need for self-acceptance - written by Fred Pruitt:
I recommend that you read through more of Fred’s articles which can be found here.
Fred Pruitt also contributes to another website called Christ As Us.
I was recently read an article on the Christ As Us website which was written by Watchman Nee, entitled Boasting In Our Weakness. This is a fantastic article which covers the subject of accepting ourselves just as we are, even if we experience weakness and inability to do what we have been told is right.
I recently read a note on Facebook which was taken from an article written by Brian Coatney entitled I Don’t Give a Damn If I’m Depressed. This article focuses on the importance of self-acceptance.
Here is the same article in PDF format.
There is also another link to this note, which has been included in a blog entry by a fellow grace believing friend, which can be found here.
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