Guilt and Responsibility Part 1

We tend to confuse guilt with taking responsibility. We seem to strongly believe that if we do not feel guilty about something that we did wrong, then we are being a bad person because we are not taking responsibility for something. We then take guilt on board because we do not want to be seen as being an irresponsible person. The reality is that guilt does not help us to become a better person. We can take responsibility for something without taking on guilt as well.

When we do something wrong, or don't do something that we should do, we should look to what the Bible says we are in Christ: we are the righteousness of God through Him (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Even though we know we are forgiven, we have to face the consequences of our actions. This means that we can assume responsibility for what we should now do as a consequence, in accordance with God's will for our lives. However, if we take on guilt at this stage, we can just end-up holding on to pain and a sense of inadequacy, instead of taking positive action.

No good can ever come from punishing ourselves through guilt. Because of Christ's death on the cross, we are no longer deemed guilty in God's sight for the wrong we have done, or ever will do. God has declared us not guilty in His sight so that we can live a happy and productive life by faith in Christ.

Learning to be Guilty during Childhood

A person’s behaviour, mannerisms and actions are governed and directed by his emotional state. If a person feels joy inside him then he will express that joy through smiling, laughing and exhibiting exuberance in his behaviour and positivity in what he says. Likewise, a person who is depressed will express his emotional state through the look on his face, the negativity of his words and so on.

It is the same with guilt. From an early age we are conditioned to take guilt on board as a good thing. Most children genuinely want to behave and do well. Children know that they are more or less powerless when they are small and that they are totally dependant on their parents and other adults for their wellbeing.

Children learn that it is bad for them if they incur the displeasure of those adults who are placed in a position of authority over them. Children do have something of a rather rebellious nature and they cannot always help but express what comes natural to them.

Children are also in a stage of development so they do not always know what is right and what is wrong. When children do something wrong and get told off for it, they know that if they laugh and joke about it in front of an adult when they get found out, it is not going to work out in their favour because they could be punished for doing so.

So in order to escape punishment, they know it is better for them to assume the emotion of guilt. In that way, they can more authentically express the apology that they are forced to give.

There will be times when a child is blamed for something that was not their fault. They will often go through a phase of denying responsibility for something that they did not do. But they soon learn that when an adult is convinced of their guilt concerning something, it does them no good to argue about it. So, they learn to own up to something they did not do, and in so doing, take on guilt.

The problem here is that children have to go through a learning process because they do not know everything they need to know yet. But if a child does not learn the difference between guilt and responsibility, they could end up repeating the same patterns of guilt in adult life. Children can assume responsibility for doing something wrong, whilst also knowing that they are loved by their parents, and therefore, without taking on guilt and a sense of inadequacy.