Reflections on My Church Experiences

I spent ten years in the charismatic/word of faith movement and the importance was impressed upon me about ministry. I was absolutely convinced that I was meant to be in full-time ministry. I just got the impression that every Christian was a weak and feeble "wannabe" church pastor or evangelist. As if every Christian was seeking the ultimate achievement of being in full-time ministry and could not be considered a successful Christian unless he did.

Praying for the Lost

I just got the impression that only the corporate church could come to the rescue of lost and hurting humanity. As if Christians, by themselves, were weak and helpless. I think the corporate church therefore became something of a cop-out for many Christians, who opted for praying behind closed doors that God would “save the lost” or “bring revival” – instead of Christians simply enjoying a relationship with God through Christ and living their life to the full.

There always seemed to be an emphasis on somehow going outside of the confines of everyday life in order to be “used” by God. But I came to the conclusion that if I could just get my relationship with God sorted out – everything else would just fall into place.

Where Are All the Happy Christians?

Unfortunately, due to a distinct lack of successful and happy Christians, the only positive testimonies were from people in full-time, and therefore, were always in the context of full-time ministry. I just got caught-up in the fervour of it all. So, although there was something that was bothering me about it all – I just bided my time until I would became spiritually mature enough and dedicated enough in order to finally join the ranks of the elite who were chosen to be called into full-time ministry.

I Just Want to Be Normal

But I think there was always something that bothered me about it. All I really wanted was to live a normal, everyday, but blessed life. But the charismatic movement seemed to frown upon what it considered to be an average way of life. The message of being content with what you have, seemed to be replaced by grabbing as much as you could. This appealed to me because I just thought that life, God and other people owed me something because I wanted to make up for what I felt had been a disappointing life so far.

This emphasis on “claiming the promise” became something of a yard-stick to measure how much faith you had, how “spiritual” you were and how devoted you were to Christ and the ministry – as if devotion to the church equated to devotion to Christ. I am still in reverse gear from the church – seeking what it really means to have a deep, personal and intimate relationship with Christ – without the constraints of the institutional church.