Introduction
I was reflecting on my Christian journey recently and how I came about the message of grace and where I was at now. You could say I was contemplating my grace origins. This contemplation led me to the realisation that there are different aspects or “flavours” of the grace message; different Christians go through these different phases in a different order to others; whilst some tend to spend more time in other phases than others. Anyway, I’ll relate here what I went through and you may resonate with it, or you may not. Hopefully, we can all learn a little something from these experiences.
A Touch from the Hand of God
Firstly, let me begin with a brief history of my Christian journey. I have been a Christian now for about 15 years. I only really got serious about Christianity in 1997 when I first started going to Kensington Temple in London. Things really changed for me when I was dramatically baptised in the Holy Spirit in October 1998. Up until that moment I had been struggling with depression and anxiety all of my life. But in that moment in October 1998 God came into my life in an incredible way.
For a couple of months after that dramatic experience I experienced a profound sense of peace and joy that I never before knew existed. But it was not long before those dark clouds of depression and anxiety started rolling back in. I think that my negativity was never quite as bad from that moment on -- but was still bad enough for me to continue my spiritual quest for peace, success and fulfilment. I had been given a taste of what it must be like to have God in your life.
Word of Faith
It was around about the time when I was baptised in the Holy Spirit that I began studying the faith teaching of Kenneth E. Hagin. Hagin is considered by many to be the father of faith. I was amazed by the wonderful testimonies; the signs and miracles that Hagin would write about his books. Hagin's teaching also seem to focus more on the power of God working in man more than any other preacher that I knew of at the time. For instance, Hagin would teach that we are not to follow the Ten Commandments and that in the New Testament we are to simply follow love: love fulfils the law. I loved Hagin’s teaching because it seemed to offer so much; Hagin blasted away the cobwebs of religion and presented something fresh, new, powerful and relevant. Christianity was not a dull, lifeless adherence to religion – it was a practical way of life.
Hagin's teaching is something that I could liken to a combination of the Christian teaching of E.W. Kenyon and the positive thinking and affirmations branch of self-help: such as Dr Joseph Murphy, The Secret and The Law of Attraction. I pursued Hagin's faith teaching, known by some as Word of Faith, for about seven years till the year 2005. By this time I had well and truly burned myself out on trying to control my life and make things happen by following principles and formulas: through confessing Scriptures as a means of controlling my life and making God bless me, how I want when I want.
Religious Legalism
I think it was about the year 2003 when I stopped going to Kensington Temple and started going to a small, local charismatic church. I was delighted with this church at first: I liked the people, pastor and the worship. It’s funny when I think about it now: I used to get goose-bumps when I heard the worship leader playing the electric piano. They would hand out little weekly news bulletins as you entered the door. I had a little place reserved for them in a draw and I kept hold of each one.
This smaller church venue provided me with the opportunity to really get to know the people there. Most of them were rather quirky and dull, but some of the people I really liked and got along with well; most of the people were pleasant enough though. The church believed in signs and wonders and they would pray in tongues and lot. Sometimes people would stand-up and give a Word of Knowledge. They often had altar calls when they would pray for people and they would fall over under the power of the Holy Spirit. I became one of the people who would catch the people as they fell. My sphere of influence grew in the church as I became one of the ushers.
I tried to get noticed by the pastor with a means of serving in the church and somehow moving into full-time ministry. Like many other Christians, I saw full-time ministry as the ultimate achievement for a Christian.
After about a year and a half of attending this church I started to become rather disillusioned. I just felt guilty all the time because the pastor would be constantly preaching about behaviour modification; it was all about performance and I just felt that I just never seem to have the ability to measure-up. There seemed to be such a strong emphasis on committing to acts of charity in the church that just didn’t seem to be quite right; I thought that there was perhaps something wrong with me for not being keener on performing these religious duties.
It was in 2005 when I began to get an incredible urge to write. I started to gain a revelation of the Bible that had been there all the time, of course, but no-one else seemed to see it. I had a passion for studying the scriptures which I began to see in a light that was no longer performance based and guilt driven.
My foundation of faith teaching via Kenneth E. Hagin had taught me to see the Bible as the irrefutable Word of God and that anything written therein should be taken literally, by faith, even if you don’t see it manifested yet. I started focusing on the verses of scripture that said that God lived in me, His love had been poured into my heart and I had been given the divine nature. If these promises were true, I reasoned, why was the church being patronised and intimidated into maintaining correct behaviour? Surely, the focus should be more on faith, not so much claiming finances, but knowing that God lives in you.
I began to stay at home a lot, missing the mid-week church activates and even the occasional Sunday. I found that this new revelation was much better than what I was hearing in church. This was my introduction to what I later found would be called the grace message. I finally left that church after a year and a half because I just couldn't stand it any more.
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