“Little Nudges” and Relationships – Part 3

What has kept me going to church, more than anything I believe, has been the belief that as a Christian I must have fellowship. Fellowship for Christians is up there with tithing, it is an urban myth as if God Himself will strike you with lightning if you don’t go to church every single Sunday; so you had better enjoy spending time with the other Christians at your church!

What set me free from this stifling obligation was listening to The Free Believers Network podcasts. The hosts of this podcast highlighted the fact that many relationships in the church are actually false. In fact, they found that when they announced that they were leaving the church, their so-called “friends” simply disowned them.

I also have to admit that some great friendships can be forged through the intuitional church. I think that Hillsong London is something of an anomaly in that many of the people there are lively and fun people to hang out with. In fact, they strike me as being just as “normal” and fun as anyone else you are likely to meet. I mean, let’s face it, Christians can be really odd and dull bunch of people. Some people have made great friendships in Hillsong London church and have even found marriage partners through it.

My experience with Hillsong London is that I have made some really great people there, but it has often been a struggle to maintain those relationships; this is because those little nudges have not been there most of the time. I don’t know the specific reasons for that and it has been a common theme in my life for the last ten years or more: it is not just isolated to the church. I don’t know if it was God’s will that I “made more of an effort” or if I did what I was supposed to do. All sorts of thoughts can run through my head in relation to this: why was I like that? Why didn’t I make more of an effort? And so on. But all that I know is that I tried to live according to the inclinations my heart as much as I could. Despite this, it did not prevent me from feeling guilty about relationships in the church and from getting anxious about it as I tried to ascertain the deeper meaning of it all.

What kept most of those relationships going in the church was the religious carry-over of beliefs from previous churches, that I must attend a church building and have fellowship at all costs. I’m dependant on those little nudges to invite people for a coffee, to give them a phone call to see how they’re doing and so on. If those little nudges are not present – there can be no relationship. Perhaps there is something I’m doing wrong which is causing those little nudges to be missing? But if that is the case, no amount of guilt is going to replace them.