“Little Nudges” and Relationships – Part 5

This current, long dry season I am going through in which I’m experience a great deal of solitude, seems to be a period of time in which I am to seek God, confront my issues and become a better person for other people to spend time with. This has led me through the Charismatic movement, complete with signs and wonders, being “slain” in the Spirit and praying for revival. The Charismatic scene ushered in the Word of Faith fad, which led to disappointment. I then went through various stages or seasons of what is now commonly known as “the grace message”.

Throughout these stages and seasons of my walk with God, I have been trying to control my thoughts and actions in one way or another. I believe that during this phase of my life, I am to simply cease from my efforts to be someone I am not, and just rest in the knowledge that I am right with God the way that I am. I have to learn to trust in those subtle nudges of the heart as my guide in life. Just because I read about something that a group of people did in ancient Middle East one time – it does not necessarily mean that I have to re-create that in my own life on a regular basis. I have to learn what is right for me, with or without back-up verses or intense feelings. To a great extent, I have found that life just “does itself”, without the need to stress and agonise over every little decision that you make.

All of the depression I have experienced in my life, I believe, has been the direct result of anxiety; that anxiety has undoubtedly been the result of trying to use principles and formulas in order to attempt to avoid unwanted things happening in my life and to attract those things I do want. Then there is the dreaded guilt, the what-is-wrong-with-me factor, as I try to live my life differently from what I am experiencing. Whatever way you look at it – it all boils down to self-control and fear: this is what dampens those subtle promptings in your spirit and leads to anxiety and depression, which is bad for relationships, of course.